Chief Operating Officer/C.O.O. "Fight"

The Chief Operating Officer "fight" can be accessed by entering Boredbot Headquarters on Twilight Terrace in Drowsy Dreamland during April Toons events. Toons will see the C.O.O.'s beloved plant, Bubby, near elevator doors that can be entered. The elevator will bring up to 8 Toons to his office, allowing them only to sit and listen to him talk for roughly 20 minutes. This battle will reveal various bits of lore as well as various radio tracks that could be hints towards upcoming content. The music from each fight can be seen on the C.O.O.'s page. Once done, he will reward the Toons with a unique item exclusive to that years April Toons event. Players will then return to the Playground they last visited.

April Toons 2020

Upon arrival, the C.O.O. has little to no reaction to the Toons entering his office. He is focused on his work and occassionally talks to the Toons, taking frequent and long breaks between conversations. He reveals details about his person life, such as his plant Bubby, and his dreams. His family is also discussed, being his brother Robert (the Chairman) and his sister-in-law. The firing of the Chief Justice was also mentioned. The reward for this fight were scrapped t-shirts for the future opening of Boardbot Headquarters.

April Toons 2020 Dialogue ‎

"Oh. Hi there." "I didn't expect you all so suddenly." "Well, go ahead and make yourself comfortable. I will be sitting here doing my work." (1 minute pause) "Did I forget to water Bubby..." "Oh, sorry." "I have a tendency to mumble and ramble to myself, Hope that isn't a bother." "As for Bubby, he is the plant outside. Keeps things looking nice, don't you think?" "Robert doesn't like him though, he keeps trying to get rid of Bubby." "Robert has always been the short-tempered one." "I'm usually the one who has to sit there while fire comes from his mouth." "I am quite literal when I say that too." "Actual fire comes from his mouth and it's quite scary." "How does such a little robot have so much anger in him?" "Ah, I shouldn't say that out loud. My apologies." "Don't get me wrong, he's a great boss and I am glad for the position he gave me..." "But there are days when I wish I was something else." "Startup a business of my own, you know?" "Something small, not too stressful. Unlike C.O.G.S. Inc." "Actually, do you think the Chairman might be so moody due to the stress he has to endure?" "He runs the company almost highhandedly and there isn't an outlet for him to relax." "Now that I think about it, I have NEVER seen him relax." "Not even once, it's work, work, work for him." "No breaks, no pauses, just go, go, go." "Maybe he needs a hobby." "Maybe he could write an autobiography?" "He talks a lot about documenting his brilliance." "He really is a great writer and has quite a history behind him." "I don't really want to get into it, but I'm sure he'll open up eventually." (2 minute pause) "OHH! This one is my jam!" (30 second pause) "So, the Chief Justice is gone." "Yea, you probably are already aware John is gone." "Anyways, I was actually THERE when the event happened." "I have never seen Robert so livid in his life." "The confidence exuding from John, he walked right up to Robert like he wasn't even there." "No fear in his eyes whatsoever." "Well, I shouldn't say eyes. I still don't know if he has any." "No, wait. I am sure he does..." "... unless he's blind or something of the sort." "You've fought John I assume." "Does he have eyes or not?" "Hmm. I guess that's a mystery that will probably never be solved. Oh well." (3.5 minute pause) "I forgot to mention earlier, but I assume you came to fight the Chairman?" "Well about that..." "He's kinda busy at the moment with the construction." "I'm actually filling out paperwork right now regarding it." "Nonetheless, I'm glad to have company." (3.5 minute pause) "Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmhmhmhmhmhmhm." (5 minute pause) "I got complimented earlier today." "Someone said I have a nice tie." "First time in a long while that someone has complimented me." "Usually people just step on me." "Literally." (1 minute pause) "Now, I don't wanna be that guy..." "But do you mind if I vent about my in-laws?" "..." "Cool." "So, my sister-in-law acts like she is a perfect saint." "Keyword being "acts."" "She's definitely doing something behind Robert's back, and I don't like it." "One of these days, she'll break his hollow heart." "And you know who will have to pick up the pieces?" "Me. The only family he hasn't disowned yet." (1 minute pause) "Uh, well... scrap." "That got awkward fast." "My apologies, I shouldn't have brought up my family." "You are probably expecting a reward. Let's see what I got here..." "OH!" "I got some T-Shirts that Robert wanted to give out at Boardbot HQ's completion!" "He decided against them cause' he "ALWAYS WINS!"" "So, uh, You can have them, I guess..." "Just leave me be so I can do my work." "Peace, Toons."

April Toons 2021

This year, the C.O.O. is very happy to see the Toons again and wishes them well. He discusses the aftermath of Break The Law and the success of the new Lawbot boss. More discussions of his family are made and he reveals that he has a nephew. Additionally, the many members of his plant family are revealed as well. The reward for this year is an old tie of his.

April Toons 2021 Dialogue ‎

"Oh, Hello again." "It's good to see you. I hope you have been doing well." "This past year has been... interesting, to say the least." "A lot has happened, you know." "Besides the completion of Lawbot Headquarters, there's been a lot of crazy happenings around here." "The longest "me time" I've had in the past year lasted about five minutes." "But that's okay. I'm used to it." (25 second pause) "I am usually not a bot to worry, but have you checked on Bubby recently?" "You see, for the past few months, Bubby has been wilting." "I was wondering what the cause of it was." "I've tried many solutions, such as changing the amount of water I give him, changing his spot..." "I even bought one of those insect catchers thinking THAT was the problem." "It turns out, he simply needed a new pot." "After a few days, he was back to his normal, lively self." "In fact, he was looking better than usual." "He's kind of my only friend at this point." "He's a great listener and always manages to brighten the room when I am feeling down." "If you took the time to get to know Bubby, I think you'd like him too." (1 minute pause) "Last year, Robert got furious about Toons breaking into his headquarters." "I think it had to do with firing the last high-ranking security Goon, but that's just my theory..." "A Goon theory, if you will." (2 minute pause) "OOH! This one is my jam!" "I remember when Lawbot Headquarters was finished, I thought it would be nice to give Judy a plant." "I think it was a smaller Ficus Elastica, almost like what Bubby is." "I named her Holly because she seemed like such a sweet plant." "I grew her myself. I thought that Judy would be the perfect Suit to take care of her." "In all honesty, she needs very little water." "So, it shouldn't take Judy that much effort, given how busy she is." "I wonder how Holly is doing." (3.5 minute pause) "I heard Ms. Morsecode has been having a lot of success lately." "Well, err, correction; success with managing Lawbot Headquarters." "I know she has been struggling with you Toons, even after the Litigation Team was hired." "No offense, by the way, I am sure you have a reason." (3.5 minute pause) "Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmhmhmhmhmhmhm" (4.5 minute pause) "I got to see my nephew recently." "It's hard to believe that he's learning about logistics now." "He still has so much to learn, but you can tell that he is Robert's son." "My brother cherishes him, which I am thankful for." "I know that technically he and his ex still aren't in good relations, but at least Robert takes the responsibility when it comes to his son." "Though, I kind of wish my sister-in-law at least cared enough to buy him a gift for his build-day." "Nevertheless, seeing Robert relax for once and act this caring..., it's incredibly heartwarming." "I smile just thinking about it." "Don't tell Robert I said any of this." "He'd lose his mind if he knew I talked about his family to you Toons." "But I felt it was important enough to explain that Robert isn't as bad as others make him out to be." "Maybe when I am not as busy, I can show you some pictures of little Bobby Jr.." (15 second pause) "It just hit me that I haven't introduced the others here." "I must've upset them without saying a word. I am a terrible host." "Well, to make up for it, I can introduce you to them." "The one to the left, closest to you, that's Ginger. She's quiet but loves attention." "The one on the right is Ivy. She's fussy and a handful to deal with, but I like her regardless." "Closest to the left wall is Ash. He's cheerful and ambitious." "Olive is the plant right next to me. Usually, she serves as a reminder to do tasks or water the plants." "To the right is Layton. He's quite intelligent and always knows the exact amount of water he wants." "And finally, the plant in the back is Mark. He likes to be around people." (10 second pause) "I know what you might be thinking." "How do I feel about the whole "first-ever death" thing?" "To be honest, I wish I had an answer." "Mr. Wing was quite an intelligent Suit. I heard he graduated in Wisgonesin with top marks." "I was grieving after all that, but honestly, you should worry about his son." "After Atticus died, he became the only Wing family member." "From what I heard, after he got the news, he disappeared. But he got a TON of money out of it." "According to Robert, Atticus' death bankrupted a massive chunk of existing life insurance companies. I think his son is a near-trillionaire now." "Crazy if you think about that..." "But money won't bring back his dad, unfortunately." "Oh. uh. "I made it really awkward again, didn't I?" "Apologies." "Well, thanks for keeping me company, I guess." "Now uh, you were probably expecting a reward." "I'm going to be honest, I don't have one." "But! I have a bunch of old ties that I need to get rid of." "If you want to take one, feel free." "See ya, Toons"

April Toons 2022

This year, the C.O.O. wishes the Toons well and seems to be more observant and caring towards the Toons. He feels comfortable opening up about his insecurities and even his pet peeves about fellow coworkers, notably the Chairman's secretary. He reveals that Bubby has had a child, making him a grandfather, who can now be seen in the Boredbot HQ lobby. This segues into him showing the Toons his wallet, revealing a photo of his nephew, Bobby Jr. Various details of an upcoming update are revealed. The reward at the end of the fight is a hand made hat from the C.O.O., who thanks the Toons for visiting.

April Toons 2022 Dialogue ‎

"Hello again. I hope you are doing well." "It is so good to see your face again. You look like you've grown a bit." "I hope your life has been well in the last year." "Even if it hasn't, you are here - choosing to spend your time with me." "I appreciate that. No one comes around to listen to my rambles." "Go ahead and make yourself comfortable; I will be here, doing paperwork as usual." (15 second pause) "May I ramble about a coworker?" "You see, it's about Robert's secretary, Jennifer." "I like her, I do. She is positively weird and quirky." "She talks far more than I do, and ever will. I swear I was stuck in a conversation for nearly two whole days." "But my point is that it gets painfully quiet when she's not around." "She fills the space, but every Suit can tell when she isn't there. It's relieving, but uncomfortable." "I think she is out doing some interviews?" "I know Robert mentioned something about a new hire to the company. I can't say for sure." (1 minute pause) "Speaking of Jennifer, you know I am not a person of gossip." "But it's kind of hard to avoid it when Jennifer comes in with other girls talking so loudly about stuff." "I often hear things that I probably shouldn't." "Like how the other secretaries think that Jason may like someone." "Kind of hard to believe really, since he is... uh..." "Phlegmatic." "I might have some suspicion of who the secretaries are hinting at." "I won't say who for the sake of privacy and such. I keep my secrets... for the most part." "Never understood romance personally, but I don't judge based on who likes who." "Hmph. As long as you aren't that shoddy piece of malware, Crystalline." (1 minute, 15 second pause) "So uh... this will be odd to explain." "So, I usually do have routines to make sure that all the plants are doing okay; making sure they are watered and healthy." "However, one time, I noticed a few stray seeds near Bubby and I was just curious as to what they were, so I planted one." "Turns out, I am now a grandfather." "Didn't think I would be one this early in my lifespan." "I am actually having a bit of a struggle naming him, I was thinking something simple this time." "Maybe Bubby Jr.?" "What do you think? I might give it a bit before I finally decide on it." (20 second pause) "Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmhmhmhmhmhmhm" (2.5 minute pause) "Oh." "OH! Speaking of junior!" "I nearly forgot that I promised I would share some photos of Bobby Jr.!" "Luckily, I remembered to bring my wallet this time!" "Looks just like his father, huh?" "He is reticent, but I know he appreciates being around his father and the company." "He doesn't come around to me anymore like he used to, which is fine." "I understand that we all must age, and even Robert had his rebellious streak." "It happens and it is part of growing up." (7.5 minute pause) "You guys are good listeners. Do you mind if I get something else off my chest?" "Thanks." "I will be honest, I am nervous." "Recently the Suit Safety Inspection Association has put out a new mandate on Suit upgrades to help improve our quality." "I am a Suit who hates change, just a little bit; and I don't like to change anything about myself." "I am content with how I look right now, but a new body upgrade is to be put into effect soon." "Everyone is getting it, including my brother." "I guess I am just nervous about the process, you know?" "I doubt that it'll be as bad as I think. It's like regular service, right?" "I just know I had an awful encounter with a small red dog who used a piano on me." "My brother wasn't happy." (20 second pause) "This has to be one of my new favorites." "Something about this temp always makes my foot tap; it is oddly catchy." "Until recently, I have never heard this kind of music from a Suit radio station." "You know what is funny... It reminds me of that one area in Toontown that you have." "Something Melodyland, right?" "Chris often talked about how philharmonic that area is; music playing wherever you go." "It makes you think though, just imagine if Toons and Suits collaborated." "It would definitely be out of the ordinary." "Could it happen? Maybe, I can't be the one to determine that." "Oh, would you look at the time; didn't realize it's been so long." "Thanks for sticking around and listening to me talk." "I do hope you visit again soon. You are pleasant to be around." "Oh uh, I guess I should give you something... I always do." "I am not a person of craftsmanship, but I have this hat." "It's a plant hat! That you can wear on your head!" "I hope it'll do. Again, thanks for visiting." "See you later."

Larger versions of the images found in Ottoman's Wallet:

• 

  Bobby Jr. and The Chairman
• 

  Ottoman's ID

MAYpril Toons 2023

This year, a new Cog is heard and the C.O.O. shows compassion for the Toons, hiding them from being revealed to the Cog. He discusses the newly hired Regional Managers and information regarding the Chairman and his wife. He much more emotional than previous years. Additionally, he discusses his relationship with some of the new hires and other Managers. This also reveals some relationships between the hires. The reward for this year is a homemade sweater that was a rejected gift to his nephew.

MAYpril Toons 2023 Dialogue ‎

The elevator begins to open, but suddenly slams shut. Dividend King: What was that?! C.O.O.: "Oh, the elevator does that randomly sometimes." "I haven't gotten around to filing a maintenance request yet." "Anyway, thank you for the notice. I will send a representative to this meeting." Dividend King: "The pleasure is mine." The Dividend King flies away. The elevator door opens. C.O.O.: You Toons are lucky that I can control the elevator from my desk." "If that Suit had seen you, I would have been required to report this security breach to Robert." "Regardless, it's good to see you again." "I don't have any other appointments today, so feel free to stick around while I fill out some forms." (30 second pause) "You are probably interested in knowing who that Suit was." "Unfortunately, I'm not at liberty to tell you that information." "I will inform you that major changes are on the horizon for this company." "Robert was quite angry when the new regional managers failed to abate your silliness." "I don't think I've seen him this angry since John quit." "He's having me file paperwork for a number of new hires. That Suit you heard was one of them." (30 second pause) "I wonder if recent events have made him insecure about the state of his company." "Inter-company negotiations allowed us the opportunity to visit our parents a few weeks ago." "I took this opportunity. I have nothing against my parents, and it was nice to see them for the first time in a while." "But my brother did not. Something about 'a lack of availability' and 'wanting nothing to do with his parents.'" "Between you and me, I think he resembles them a lot more than he wants anyone to believe." (40 second pause) The C.O.O.'s face turns red for a second. "He wants to hire HER?" "Sorry, I probably shouldn't be talking about this around you." "My brother's paperwork for new hires includes a form for Crystalline." "That screwheaded malaprop should have a fruit pie thrown in her face." "It would certainly mess up her appearance, which seems to be the only thing she cares about." (40 second pause) "I don't know why Robert is still married to her." "It is unclear to me what positive qualities she brings to their relationship." "That isn't to say that I am any expert on the subject." "I have never been in a relationship with anyone, and I have no current interest in changing that." "At the same time, I'd hardly describe Crystalline's feelings for my brother as romantic." "She is using him for some ulterior motive, and he cannot see through the act." "And I've already seen how it has changed him." (40 second pause) "Before all of this happened, me and my brother were very close." "I followed him as he founded this company. "I accepted my role as second best. Not that I minded, of course." "Now that Crystalline is here, it feels like I'm third... fourth... maybe fifth best." "He doesn't talk to me much anymore. At least, not outside of the business." "My brother is my lifeline to the rest of the Suit world. Without him, all I have are my plants." "Anyway, forgive me for dreading the idea of my sister-in-law as a coworker." (1 minute pause) "I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me." "My lack of interest in romance does not preclude me from fraternizing with other Suits." "For example, Mary and I chat quite frequently." "You may have encountered her in the Offshoring & Drilling District." "We have a lot in common. We're both quite passionate about non-Suit life." "I wonder if there's a 'Bubby' in her life." "I sure hope so. Everyone deserves a Bubby in their life." (40 second pause) "Come to think of it, I suspect Mary may have one already." "She has told me about a rather fashionable Suit operating in the Stone & Iron District." "This Suit is a Ms. Holly Grayelle. I found her to be rather cold and difficult to understand." "However, despite the overwhelming odds, Mary seems to have taken an interest in her design advice." "Holly seems to believe that if Mary realigns certain parts of her helmet, it will offset your environmental impact." "Something about an influx of positive corporate energy offsetting the negative Toon energy." "At least, that's what she told me. I suspect it's more complicated than that." "Regardless, Mary has taken this advice to heart and is trying her best to get this positive energy." "She seems to be more productive on company time, so more power to her." (1 minute, 15 second pause) "Unfortunately, not all Suits are destined to be friendly towards each other." "Mary told me that she has been having problems with one of our managers in the Woodchip & Paper District." "His name is Spruce, and if Mary is to be believed, he's a real loudmouth." "She told me about a time where they were discussing the environment." "My apologies, I should say that Mary was telling Spruce about the importance of caring for the environment." "She asked him a question to determine his feelings about the subject." "He laughed in her face and said that the environment 'ain't no mattah anymoah than I can chop it down!'" "I apologize if my impersonation of him is not entirely accurate, but that was how Mary conveyed his accent to me." (30 second pause) "I always try to be understanding of people, even if they don't make sense to me." "Spruce may come off as rude, but perhaps it's an effect of his environment." "I read his application and he was apparently a lumberjack before he became involved with our company." "What effect does that have on someone, being a lumberjack?" "To do nothing but chop down trees and talk to other people with strange accents that also chop down trees." "They don't even harvest the resources! That's where entities like us get involved." "No wonder he sees no use in forest conservation: it's bad for his business." "I mean, look at me. I love my plants, but I stay out of Robert's way when he wants to tear up your land for its resources." "The business is important to Robert, so it's important to me as well." "It would be prudent for Mary to keep her feelings from spreading too far if she wants to advance further in the company." (50 second pause) "You probably noticed the plate of cookies on the table." "Those were a gift from Belle. You've probably seen her in the Brass & Shipping District." "I would have offered you some, but they're made of ginger tar and crude morsels." "I don't think you would like them very much." "You would probably like Belle, though. She's a very nice Suit." "Judy really likes her too, although I suspect it's for more gossip-y reasons than myself." (1 minute, 15 second pause) "Belle actually gave me a good idea for promotional material the other day." "You see, we at the Coal, Oil, and Gas Syndicate like to promote feel-good stories about intracompany affairs." "Studies have shown that our employees are inspired to work harder upon reading these stories." "At least, that's the official line. I suspect Robert just does it to feed his ego." "Anyway, we have this manager named Tawney that operates in the Luxury Suites & Textiles District." "Like me, they enjoy listening to the radio. In particular, they enjoy the shows on Suitopia FM." "Their favorite host quit some time ago to pursue a new opportunity in the corporate sector." "An unfortunate event, certainly, and Tawney was sullen about it." "We began to worry that it might affect their productivity." (1 minute pause) "We decided to track down the radio host with the intent of offering them a lot of money to return to their radio show." "However, we ran into a slight problem: the host was pursuing an opportunity with the Coal, Oil, and Gas Syndicate." "This Suit, a Dana S. Charme, is actually a high-ranking manager in our company." "Onboarding managers is an expensive and time-consuming process, so we couldn't have them return to their old job at that point." "However, we did arrange for a 'chance' meeting between the two in the Luxury Suites & Textiles District." "They've gotten along quite well, and Tawney's productivity has risen significantly." (50 second pause) "I apologize, I've gotten sidetracked. This is supposed to be about the idea that Belle gave me." "Several weeks ago, I was given an invitation to a knitting get-together." "I had never knitted before in my life, but I thought that there was no better time than the present to start." "On the day of the meeting, I went to this swanky music parlor in the Brass & Shipping District." "I went up this set of stairs past a ticket booth, and you wouldn't believe who was there." "Tawney was there, and so was Dana, Judy, Courtney, and Barry! And Belle was hosting the whole thing!" "I was a bit uncomfortable at first, surrounded by all these Suits and being someone who had never knit before." "But Belle showed me how to knit, and I ended up having a good time knitting and chatting with these other Suits." "I don't think Courtney stopped talking for the entire meeting." "Also, I had to poke Tawney and Barry awake at the end." (45 second pause) "Right at the end of the meeting, I went to say goodbye to Belle." "She was still in a chatty mood, so we conversed some more." "Belle suggested that the company should have an ad campaign centered around our textile division." "She says that her grandkids make heavy use of our textile products." "As someone who also uses these products, I think that's a dandy idea." "I've forwarded it to Allan, who seemed open to it." "I hope it gets added to the Sellbot agenda for the next shareholder's meeting. It's the least I could do for Belle." (50 second pause) "I'm almost done with my paperwork, so I'll have to leave soon." "Before you go, I was wondering if you could do me a favor." "So, Bobby Jr. recently celebrated his build-day." "I wanted to get him a gift, so I thought I'd make him something." "I used my newfound knitting skills to make him a sweater." "But when I brought it to him, he wouldn't accept it." "Apparently it's not a 'smart financial decision' to accept sweaters from your uncle." "So now I have a sweater that I'd like to give to you." "I figured that you might appreciate it." "Anyway, I'm going to go file this paperwork. Thanks for stopping by, as always." "I'll see you some other time."

April Toons 2024

This year, the C.O.O. is indifferent to the Toons arrival, but is very interested in their feedback. He discusses the newly hired Boardbots and how they came to be, as well as some personal details about some. His personal opinions and gossip he has heard is included. He asks the Toons several questions regarding the hires before rewarding them with a "graphic" he designed which was scrapped.

April Toons 2024 Dialogue ‎

Security System: "CHECKING ELEVATOR FOR NON-COMPANY ENTITIES." "NO NON-COMPANY ENTITIES DETECTED. ELEVATOR DOOR OPENING." "You are productive." "Your company values the work that you do." "You have the power to be the most efficient version of yourself." "Your colleagues like that you always put the company first." C.O.O.: "Oh. Hello." "It seems that the new security system doesn't work." "Robert had security checks put all over the place to dissuade you from popping in." "It's too bad the company couldn't afford actual security guards, but that's Chris' domain and not mine." "Well, since you're here, perhaps you can stick around for a bit. I have a few questions I need to ask you." (40 second pause) C.O.O.: "So, do you remember those new hires I was telling you about last time we met?" "Well, we finished hiring them." "You've probably seen some of them wandering around, which means I can finally talk more about what exactly the company has been up to." "After the whole 'regional manager' plan was a bust, Robert fired about twenty-three different entities responsible for that fiasco before calming down and developing a new course of action." "It was decided that the company's recent efforts had not been good enough." "These included bringing in a new Chief Legal Officer, hiring the Litigation Team, and hiring the Regional Managers, among other things." "None of these things had solved any of the company's existing problems, namely the Toon problem." "Robert, despite being the head of the company, did not blame himself for these failures." "Surely, the lower-level managers and the employees of the Coal, Oil, and Gas Syndicate had been the responsible party." "I'm not sure if they were, but it's his company, so he can do what he wants with it." "Since firing underperforming employees and hiring new ones hadn't worked for him so far, Robert's response..." "...was to fire a bunch of underperforming employees and hire a bunch of new ones." "The unique factor here is that my department was the subject of said firing and hiring." "The official reason for this was that a mass restructuring of the other four major departments each represented difficult logistical and fiscal issues." "The Boardbots, by virtue of lacking a completed Headquarters, did not face such issues." "In addition, there were some accusations of "insider trading" that suddenly sprang up against some of the lower-level employees." "The timing seemed awfully convenient, so I'm not sure that these accusations were credible." "To be fair, when your Suit model is "Con Artist" or "Swindler," I imagine it might be easy to get accused of illicit activity." (25 second pause) C.O.O.: "The decision to upend the Boardbot department was not a universally popular one, especially among the Boardbots themselves." "Robert received many complaints and threats of litigation by soon-to-be jobless Suits." "Of course, the employees of the Coal, Oil, and Gas Syndicate are considered to be hired 'at-will', so Robert would not have to worry about litigation centering their dismissal." "Nor was Robert particularly concerned about any action from associated labor unions. Their pull on this company is minimal at best." "That may have eased Robert's mind, but it didn't make things any better for the Boardbots themselves. They must have felt desperate to retain their positions." "About a week before the sacking was scheduled to occur, there was a massive uptick in Boardbot activity all over Cog Nation." "I guess that they decided that a massive surge of productivity might convince Robert that it was worth the company's time and resources to retain their services." "It's just too bad that their show of force was not so forceful. The Boardbots were beaten back like a mob of moochers." "Honestly, it probably made it easier for Robert to fire them when that finally happened a few days later." "It didn't help their case that six of the eight Boardbots forgot Robert's manufacturing day. That probably sealed their fate before anything." "The only two Boardbots that benefited from all this were the Magnate and the Head Honcho." "The both of them were just productive enough to sway Robert into retaining them." "The fact that they remembered his manufacturing day probably helped as well." "The Magnate got a promotion, too. Officially, the Magnate got this because he performed the best out of any Boardbot during the 'last ditch effort' period." "At the same time, I can't help but wonder if Robert did that just because he wanted the highest-ranked bird-themed Suit in the company." "Regardless, I'm happy that Robert is finally investing in our department. Who knows where he'll invest next?" (20 second pause) C.O.O.: "There's a little guy you might have seen in a hat with a weird mustache wandering around." "That's the Bagholder. He smells like old petroleum and reminds me of this golf cart attendant that yelled at me once." "I don't think we should have hired him. Robert saw him hauling coal on his back one day and hired him on the spot because "he looked like a Boardbot."" "I'm not sure what that means. I suspected Robert may have seen something of himself in this brash upstart of diminutive size." "If Robert didn't use cleaning products for several years, then maybe I'd see the resemblance." "To be fair, I'm not the only one concerned about this new employee. Allan also expressed consternation about his overconfidence and smell." "Robert's response was to hire the Paper Hands, who is the exact opposite of the Bagholder in the sense that he is meek and has basic hygienic practices." "I'm happy that we have this new employee, although I'm not sure about the wisdom of pairing these two on major projects." "The theory is that Bagholder's overconfidence and Paper Hands' deference should offset each other, and their similar ranks should encourage a collaborative environment." "However, that theory has not borne out in practice. Paper Hands, despite being of higher rank, is a pushover and the Bagholder is the one doing the pushing over." "They have already lost the company a significant amount of money by stubbornly holding onto assets long after they have lost value." "Despite the financial failings of this detrimental duo, Robert has been slow to end their unsuccessful partnership." "I wonder if Robert has become comfortable with failure. He's dealt with it a lot over the past several years." "Eh, the company's still standing so I guess that counts for something." (30 second pause) C.O.O.: "Here's the first of my questions for you: have you seen the Insider? I'm asking because I don't think I ever have." "We use them for intelligence gathering on both Toons and Suits. It's a natural fit, them being a shadow-y figure." "That shadowiness is the problem. I've never held a meeting with them. I've never spoken to them. I've never even seen them in person." "When they deliver reports, I never see them get dropped off. The reports are just there when I enter the room." "Considering the rumors about the exact nature of the Insider, I think that sense of mystery is shared by other employees." "Some say that they never clock out, others say that they were responsible for the Chainsaw Consultant's... situation." "Still others say that the Insider is not a single person, but a secret society of Suits that sell information to the highest bidder, Toons included." "I even heard one leery Lawbot claim that the Insider, not Atticus, was responsible for that awful insurance company collapse a few years ago." "At this rate, I'm half expecting to hear soon that the Insider is third cousin to Robert and second cousin to me." "Of course, all of these things are almost certainly false. There is a real Insider somewhere underneath their hat and collar." "One of our other new hires is dedicated to solving the mystery of the Insider. That someone would be the Circuit Breaker." "This employee is part of our crisis management team. I guess he decided that the rumors about the Insider were a crisis that needed to be managed." "He has cobbled together a massive web of information on the exact nature of the Insider and who they might be." "He likes to talk about these investigative efforts to anyone who will listen. I have done so on several occasions." "While I appreciate his dedication, I'm concerned that his obsession is starting to cause problems at the company." "Last month, we had a report filed of crisis management meetings being derailed by Circuit Breaker's "inane theory that the Insider is secretly three Toons in a trench coat."" (30 second pause) C.O.O.: "There are some cases where collaborative efforts have to be arranged by the company, as is the case with the Bagholder and the Paper Hands." "Other collaborations form more authentically through shared interests." "Consider the case of the Deadlock and the Shark Watcher. Both operate in the Coal & Ice District, which is where Cosmo and his underlings have been active." "Shark Watcher, being the observant fish that he is, was concerned about the amount of control Cosmo was amassing over the Suits operating in that region." "Apparently, he expressed these concerns to Deadlock, who was very adamant that a resistance to these efforts be mounted." "I'm not sure why the Deadlock would care about Cosmo's crew. If the name is any indication, maybe he just likes being in conflict with other Suits." "Either way, the two banded together and have created something of a "counter-gang" to thwart Cosmo's ambitions." "They've made some headway in persuading other Suits in the region to support them, to the point where it's starting to become an issue for the Cashbot department." "Last week, the Satellite Investors filed a report on behalf of the Plutocrat requesting company mediation pertaining to Suit activities in the Coal and Ice District." "They stated that lower-level Suits have been "disrupting the operations of the Plutocrat and all associated parties"..." "...which include "the collection of 'holiday contributions'" and "the 'legal unification' of all storefronts in the Coal & Ice District." "I offered to have the issue brought before the Lawbots, since they tend to resolve these types of issues, but the Satellite Investors wanted some sort of "commission" to make the decision." "Company policy prohibits the creation of special commissions without authorization from the Chairman, so I had to bring the issue before Robert." "To my surprise, he shrugged the whole thing off, stating that "competition is good for productivity," and that "any in-fighting will only serve to make the company stronger."" "I would think that it is important to present a united Suit front and not have subversive activity of this kind, but again, it's Robert's company and he makes the decisions." "I imagine you can conclude that no special commission was created in response to this issue. The Coal & Ice War rages on." (35 second pause) C.O.O.: "As previously mentioned, the Magnate and Head Honcho were able to prove themselves to the Chairman, and each were rewarded for their efforts." "They kept their jobs, they got upgrades, and the Magnate even got promoted. As you can imagine, they felt pretty happy about all of this." "Perhaps it wasn't surprising that they couldn't quite excise their more competitive edges once the need for them abated." "Both the Magnate and Head Honcho became convinced not only that the Chairman favored them, but that they needed to prove it somehow." "This led to a strange situation in the office where each was trying to prove themselves superior to the new Boardbots." "I'm not sure if anyone asked them to prove said superiority, but they were attempting to do it regardless." "For example, a few weeks ago, Jennifer received a call from someone claiming to be the Chairman. They asked for 452 chairs to be delivered to Robert's office." "When the Head Honcho learned of this, not only did he arrange for the delivery of the chairs..." "...but he put himself in a supervisory position to ensure that the chairs were moved to Robert's office once they had been delivered." "The problem was that Robert had not actually asked for this." "You could imagine what the look on his face was when he saw an armada of Boardbots moving tons of chairs into his office." "We concluded that a Toon had called in pretending to be Robert to make this order. Mysteriously, we could not determine who this Toon was or from where the call was made." "After that incident, Robert refocused the efforts of the Magnate and the Head Honcho onto something more productive." "See, we had hired a lot of new Boardbots. Robert decided that the Magnate and Head Honcho were in a unique position to show these automatons the ropes of how our company operates." "However, the reports coming out of the training sessions seem to suggest that the Magnate and Head Honcho have been quite egomaniacal in their deals with the lower-tiered Suits." "One report from Paper Hands told the tale of Magnate forcing the poor unfortunate Paper Hands to pay for his feather trimming on the grounds that "he was a higher-ranked Suit and that he deserved it."" "Another report from Deadlock indicated, well, a deadlock between him and the Head Honcho over the latter's insistence that the former get him a box of cigars in return for the training session." "The standoff only ended when the Bagholder insulted the Head Honcho's taste in cigars." "Let's just say that the Circuit Breaker had to stop the Head Honcho from beating out what little stuffing there was left in the Bagholder's hat." "I'm told that future training sessions will have better oversight from higher-ups in the department." (25 second pause) C.O.O.: "I suppose I should get to those questions I was going to ask you." "You see, we are doing a series of both internal and external focus groups surrounding the new Boardbots and their impact on the company." "I have a captive audience, so I might as well get some data from our opponents on what this impact is." "I'll read you some questions and you respond to them. It's really important that you be honest to me when you answer these questions." "Okay, first question: "Are your opinions on the new Boardbots positive, neutral, or negative?"" "Very good. I like the new Boardbots myself, but I'm not part of the focus group so I won't share any additional opinions." "Question two: "Do you think that the revamped Boardbot department represents your values?"" "Okay, the answer to that was probably obvious." "Question three: "Which Boardbot have you responded most positively to?"" "And a followup question: "Which Boardbot have you responded most negatively to?"" "Okay, there's a few questions about the hiring process that you wouldn't know about, so I'm going to skip those." "Question seventeen: "Do you think that these Boardbots will effectively resolve the 'Toon problem?'"" "I guess the jury's still out on that one." "Okay, I have one more question for you: "What projects or goals do you think should be the priority of the Coal, Oil, and Gas Syndicate?"" "Great, thank you for your input. The company values your thoughts in this time of analysis." "I'm not sure about the part of the company "valuing" you necessarily, but the opinions will be appreciated regardless." "Normally, at this point, you would receive some type of monetary compensation." "Unfortunately, COGS, Inc. does not recognize jellybeans as a form of currency, so I can't give you anything that you would consider money." (50 second pause) C.O.O.: "Actually, maybe there IS something I can give you." "A few months ago, the company was experimenting with "expressive graphics." It was pitched as a more effective means of business communication." "We actually got the technology working, and some of the higher-ups were asked to prepare several graphics for testing." "I was one of those higher-ups, and I prepared a graphic that I thought communicated a common sentiment in business communications." "However, we ran into problems when we put the graphics in front of the Con Artist." "He immediately created a sequence of images that said something very insulting about the Chairman." "The whole project was immediately cancelled and I was told to destroy the graphic that I had created." "I'm opting to give it to you instead. You Toons are very communicative, maybe you'll find a use for it." "Anyway, I have a scheduled meeting to attend to. The Boardbot division is developing new rules surrounding the discussion of topics that are not on the Order Paper." "The company seems eager to address the recent Magnate, Head Honcho, and Circuit Breaker incidents, myself included." "I assume I'll see you at the same time next year."

April Toons 2025

This year, the C.O.O. is not interested. He talks about how the Toons have broken his deal in regards to them showing up in his Office. This all started with multiple inspections in regards to some previous missing items (more specifically, the items that he has given out over the years for talking to him). He eventually discovers Lynn Decisive hiding around, who promptly drops a Gag on him before departing. In the end, the C.O.O. asks the Toons to forward a warning to Lynn, and asks them to leave after giving them the two stickers of Lynn and Reid.

Unlike previous years, the conversation with the C.O.O. lasts only about 7 minutes. The radio is also filled with toony-like music.

April Toons 2025 Dialogue ‎

The elevator doors open. C.O.O.: "..." The C.O.O. looks down again at his writing for a period. He eventually looks up again, as if he's decided to say something. C.O.O.: "You know, I thought we were friends." "Okay, we're not friends per se, but I thought we had an understanding with each other." "Our deal is that you 'break in' to my office once a year, and in return, I don't report it to Robert." "You've been very good at honoring this agreement, which is why I was so disappointed by recent events." (30 second pause) C.O.O.: "Do you know how much trouble I go through to ensure that the company doesn't find out about your visits?" "I'll have you know that Robert was quite mad at the missing quantity of Boredbot HQ shirts I gave you five years ago." "I had to take the blame for that. It wasn't fun, and I assure you that I didn't want to do it." "But we had an agreement to honor, so I did. You come here once a year and I don't report it." "I am going to put emphasis on the 'once a year' part, because you apparently don't seem to understand that." (25 second pause) C.O.O.: "You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?" "Okay, fine, I'll give you the details." "And in return, your ilk won't be snooping around outside of our agreement." "So, about a month ago, I was assigned to supervise an inspection of one of the Boredbot HQ storage rooms." "This is a fairly standard part of my job. Not one I relish, certainly, but I accept it for the good of the company." "Specifically, we were tasked with taking inventory of the Motivational Trinkets, Phrases, and Leather Upholstery storage area." "I'm not going to get into the details of how inspections work. They're incredibly boring and I'm sure you don't want to hear about it." "The long and short of it is that by the end of the inspection, we discovered that one of the plant ties was missing." "So we did another inspection. It was exactly as boring as you would think it to be, and I didn't enjoy doing it a second time." "By the end of the second inspection, we had found there were fifteen plant ties missing, along with six Boredbot HQ shirts." "We had to do a third inspection. By this point, I was really wishing to be back with my plants, my radio, and the sweet bliss of solitude." "But this time, we found all kinds of missing inventory! A bunch of trinkets now had missing quantities." "At this point, the situation is now considered a possible security breach." "We contact the HQ's security, who closed off the storage area so that no one could enter or leave, meaning I was still stuck in the room." "To make myself useful, I began looking around the room to see if I could find anything, and I sure did find something." "In one of the large boxes, there was a strange rustling noise. I moved towards it and called out 'Hey, who's in there?'" "At that point, I heard what sounded like a button press." "A split second later, I saw a shadow on the ground, and before I could react, a heavy object pinned me on the ground." "It was cold and metallic and it didn't make my circuits feel good." "At that point, the ink-colored intruder jumped out of the box and showed themselves." "They were a white raccoon with a multicolored shirt and shorts, along with a cap that had some text on it." "Their backpacked was stuffed with all kinds of merchandise. Shirts, ties, hats, sweaters..." "And they made no effort to help me! They just waved and then teleported out of the storage area!" "Just- ugh, recalling this is upsetting me. I need a moment to calm down." (40 second pause) C.O.O.: "It took nearly ten minutes for other Suits to find me and lift the large object pinning me down." "Obviously, I had to report the incident, considering how blatantly this pest had disregarded company policy." "I had never reported a Toon incident before. I didn't enjoy doing it. But the understanding had been broken." "And now you're here, expecting me to ramble about company gossip and give you some company trinket as if this didn't happen!" "Well, I can't do that. Even if I wanted to, security has increased since the break-in. I wouldn't get away with taking anything." "Why don't you go talk to your raccoon friend? It seems like they have what you might be seeking." "By the way, the music on this radio station decidedly does not sound like it was created by Suits." "Did you Toons figure out how to broadcast into the Suit world? What else have you figured out about us?!" "..." "I'm sorry. I'm in such a bad mood on account of your friend." "I wish I could talk directly to them. If I saw them again, I'd say this:" "'The Coal, Oil, and Gas Syndicate has long regarded Toons as a pest. Not something worthy of retribution, just something to be batted away.'" "'Don't do anything to make us consider you a serious threat. I don't think you would be happy with the result.'" "If you see them, could you tell them I said that? I'd appreciate it." "By the way, your friend left these expressive graphics here. Is this what your ilk call "leaving a mark?" Or are they just forgetful?" "I don't know. Just take them and get out of here."